Screamers Anonymous

People have fits in my household. Regularly and loudly. And I am one of them. Just two nights ago I had a fit because two out of three children were having fits during the "witching hour" (5 to 7 p.m.). I found myself shrieking at the top of my lungs, "Why are you crazy people always having fits?" which is a lot like smacking your child for smacking his sibling. Ben looked, as usual, as if he would just as soon be off at Biddy Mulligan’s downtown nursing a microbrewed beer.

But I haven't had a fit in three whole days now. Because I am embarking upon a screaming moratorium: two weeks. Can I do it? Two weeks of no voice raising. When I feel the urge, can I retire to the bedroom? Can I bury my scowling mouth in a soft pillow and beat my fists upon my bed? Can I go outside and jog around the house?

I have decided to take this challenge on-line, for more incentive. Ben halfheartedly promised a 1/2-hour backrub, but a halfhearted backrub won't be enough. Nor will thinking about rainbows and butterflies. I'm thinking that all my four readers can cheer me on over the course of the two week period: I need a support group. Shouldn’t there be a support group for people who are addicted to screaming? It could be called SCRAM – Screamers Can Readily All Moderate or SHH– Screamers Help Hotline. I can't do this alone.

Maybe there should be a 12-step program for screamers? I could get a pin for each milestone that I pass. Not screaming when provoked by a spoiled-child campaign for new freestyle skis would be Step 1. Step 2 would be not screaming when I find a trail of clothing and other personal items scattered about the house. Step 3 would be not screaming when personal items (mine or others) are permanently misplaced. All steps would lead to my final badge – my own personal Waterloo of not screaming – which I would get upon successfully not screaming when I find out about horrible grades. Then, for each day that passed I could claim that many days of, what? Quietry? That works.

Since it has been a while since I have done any in-depth Google investigatory work, I thought I would Google "screamers anonymous" to see if perhaps others have gone before me in the realm of screaming support groups. No support groups popped up (is there even more of a social stigma associated with being a screamer than being an alcohol, sex or drug addict?), but the first hit (the very first hit!) was a site for a woman named Sarah Chana Radcliffe and the page was about her book “Raise Your Kids Without Raising Your Voice.” One of the points Sarah makes is that children who are raised in a house where there is a lot of screaming do not respect their parents and therefore do not listen to them, neither when the parents are are screaming nor when they are not screaming.

Another good point she makes is that parents hate themselves for being screamers; it's apparently a real ego downer. I found myself reading that part and nodding my head so emphatically that my neck got sore. I myself experience a 24-hour depression following bouts of "losing it." It sucks to feel like a crappy parent.

So what about yelling at the dogs when they're barking at imagined intruders or digging in my gardens. And what about responding when someone shouts a question at me from afar --do I really need to travel across my household to deliver a low-voiced response? I say no. What counts as screaming is angry voice-raising at human life forms.

I've already gone three days without screaming and it feels great to say it...yes, I can!...it feels soooo good. Now I'm ready to embrace the challenge of a fortnight. On your mark, get set...

Comments

[debbie]

GO!! You can do it...please keep me posted! You are a great parent with a loud voice:) We all lose it once in a while, maybe taking 2 weeks off will help make the losing it less frequent?

[Aynde]

Stumbled across your blog and Love It! As a fellow screamer I feel the parental pain associated with yelling at the kids as well as understand the drug like dependency on tea with honey to sooth a shout sore throat. :)

Great read and good luck on your journey to channel your inside voice 24/7.