Harvey Milk (Snake)

Today I am going to recommend snake ownership as an antidote to Seasonal Affective Disorder, perimenopause, anger at one's offspring over academic chicanery, and, finally --last but never least -- pre-menstrual syndrome.

Fiona and Elias convinced me to go to Tri-City Aquarium and Pet Center (among the last of a dying breed of customer-centric small, locally owned pet stores, located in Somersworth, NH) last week to "get some food for the lizards." What they were really convincing me to do was to walk through the doors of a place where pets might be available for adoption, sale, lease or borrow. They think they can convince me, once they have espied a possible pet, to bring it home. (Historically they are proven right. Which is why I do not darken the doors of humane societies or pet stores unless it is absolutely necessary and never -- never! -- with children in tow.)

Anyway, I was feeling concurrently munificent enough to enter the pet store with children and strong enough to ward off the pleas for a new pet that would most assuredly begin soon after our arrival there. But I was the first to spot Harvey; he was the counter display creature. And oh what a stunning display creature! His red, black and white body contrasted alluringly against the ecru backdrop of his aspen substrate. His black beady eyes and darting tongue were captivating in a truly Eden-esque way. It was all I could do to not purchase him right there on the spot.

Elias fell hard and fast after me. "Please, oh please. Please. Please. Pleeeeeeesse," he begged upon gazing at the snake, enraptured immediately.

"No!" I shouted, oblivious to the clerk who was smiling knowingly behind the counter. "No snake. We have too many animals as it is. No way!"

But, like a lioness with the hobbled springbok in her sights, he was inherently aware that he had me right where he wanted me. It was only a matter of time before I would collapse, exhausted,and hand over my credit card to the smirky clerk.

We left the store and when we got home I locked myself in the bathroom so as not to hear the tortured pleading and crying of my two younger children who were in the powerful grip of potential snake ownership. I was in the powerful grip of a tenacious bad mood, brought on by all of the above-mentioned aggravations (and even though I have no right whatsoever to be in a bad mood, considering: world poverty, cancer, Haitian earthquakes, factory farming and the Kardashians).

A few hours passed and they wandered away from the locked door and forgot about the snake. The next morning I went back to Tri-City Aquarium, bought him and all his paraphernalia (which, much to my personal dismay and digust includes "pinkies" -- frozen,dead neonatal mice that are the basis of his diet), and named him Harvey Milk (Snake). I was suddenly happy, following a bit of herpetological retail therapy. The children don't get and don't like this name. But he's my snake and I'll call him what I like. And furthermore they will be caring for him and thawing and otherwise preparing his damn "pinkies" for when he's hungry.

My first snake lecture to Elias was about handling. I told them that Harvey would need to be handled regularly in order to become nice. Ben, leaning casually against the counter, took a swill off his beer and said, "I tried that with you and it didn't work."

Apparently Ben does not think my mood has been positively affected by the snake. No matter. I still love Harvey. He is sleek and comforting and he's mine all mine all mine. He's my baby, he's my pet. We fell in love on the day we met.

I wish this were the first all my three fans were reading about Harvey. But Abby has already posted his picture and even possibly created a fan base for him on Facebook. So all of her 755 (and this includes the bulk of my 50 Friends) Friends now know about my snake. I finally understand why my kids fight over the right to tell me exciting news. Imagine my disappointment when I started to tell bff Deb about Harvey and she said , "I read about it on Abby's Facebook." Boo. Hisssssss. Sssssurprise news is a thing of the passsst.

Comments

[Tia]

Well my dear, you now have 4 fans and I didn't hear about Harvey on Facebook, so, Congrats! I love Ben's comment...sounds much like something Shawn would say right before he ducked to prevent getting smacked.

On another note, I had turtles when I taught first grade, and one of my students went home to tell her mother she wanted to be a herpetologist. Being that I was in a community that wasn't computer savvy, you wanna bet I got a phone call the next morning from that mom! :-)

[debbie]

Love this, especially Ben's comment, it's a classic and I can see him saying it, whether or not he really did, cause I know he was thinking it!
I'm not a big snake lover but Harvey has a great name and is quite pretty.
And did I tell you the bunny wabbit came to live with us? Yikes!
Love Deb

[Jen]

He is beautiful, I'm in snake envy!
We had a snake as a pet up until he recently died. all wonderful 14foot of him was perfection snakified. too bad the babies are too little to get another but one day one day I'll get me some Harvey Milk goodness of my own.